OUR RATING:
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’d really like to be completely terrified while driving to work today”? Well, lucky for you, there’s the “MrBallen Podcast: Strange, Dark & Mysterious Stories,” where host John Allen (aka MrBallen) has made it his personal mission to ensure you never walk down a dark hallway without checking over your shoulder again.
MrBallen has perfected the art of telling terrifying true stories in such a casual, conversational way that you almost forget you’re listening to accounts of disappearances, murders, and unexplained phenomena, until you realize you’ve been gripping your steering wheel so tightly that your knuckles have turned whiter than a ghost in a snowstorm. It’s like having that one friend who knows all the creepy local legends, except MrBallen has collected these stories from every corner of the earth and delivers them with the enthusiasm of someone who genuinely enjoys watching his audience squirm.
But Mr. Allen doesn’t just recite facts; he builds narratives with all the skill of a horror novelist, layering in details and creating suspense that would make Stephen King nod in approval. The stories unfold methodically, with well-placed pauses that’ll have you yelling, “AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?!” at your phone like a lunatic. His signature phrase, “Like and subscribe… or else,” feels less like a YouTube call-to-action and more like a vague threat from someone who knows too many ways people have met unfortunate ends.
The range of topics covered is impressive, if by “impressive” you mean “will make you question everything you thought you knew about human nature and possibly convince you never to go hiking again.” From the bone-chilling tale of the Dyatlov Pass incident (where nine Russian hikers met inexplicable deaths in the Ural Mountains) to lesser-known stories of people who vanished under impossible circumstances, MrBallen has an uncanny talent for finding the most disturbing true stories you’ve never heard.
His episode on the “Death Valley Germans,” a family who disappeared in Death Valley National Park in 1996, will have you canceling your desert vacation plans faster than you can say “bring extra water.” Similarly, his recounting of the “Monster with 21 Faces,” a case about a mysterious group that terrorized Japanese candy companies in the 1980s, will ensure you never look at confectionery the same way again. Not even Kit Kats are safe after this podcast.
What’s particularly disconcerting about the MrBallen experience is how quickly you become desensitized to the horror. You start with one episode about a mysterious disappearance in the woods, and before you know it, you’re fifty episodes deep, eating breakfast while listening to detailed accounts of cannibalism without so much as flinching. “Pass the cereal, please, and did you know about this cave explorer who found….” is probably not how normal people start their mornings.
For those who value sleep, mental well-being, or the ability to walk past a forest without imagining all the terrible things that could happen inside it, this podcast might not be for you. But for the rest of us, the ones who slow down when passing car accidents and have “unsolved mysteries” in our search history, MrBallen has created the perfect podcast. It’s a place where our morbid curiosity can run free.
So if you’re ready to transform everyday activities like “taking a shower” or “checking the mail” into anxiety-inducing experiences where every shadow might be harboring something sinister, dive into the MrBallen Podcast. Just don’t blame me when you find yourself installing extra locks on your doors and researching the statistical likelihood of being murdered by a stranger.
Where to listen to MrBallen Podcast
Episodes.fm | Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Overcast | Pocket Casts | Castro